Sunday, June 05, 2005

White Trash- Is Not!

While I am not in agreement with Amanda over at Pandagon over either MiracleWhip (a proper BLT requires it) or mayonnaise (a properly made one). I can agree with her over the following recipe from Amber Pawlik for veggie pizza (via Gavin at Sadly No!). It is, in fact, just so wrong.

2 cans of Crescent Rolls
2 8 oz packages softened cream cheese
1 cup Miracle Whip
1 Package of Ranch Dressing Mix (Dry)
2 cups fresh broccoli, cauliflower and carrots
4 oz. Sharp Cheddar Cheese

It is also wrong for Amanda to represent this as "White Trash" cooking. I am pretty much an expert on this particular type of American cooking and this recipe has nothing to recommend it to that "high art". Proper "White Trash" cooking is not necessarily driven by hard and fast rules but there are some qualities that must be met before a recipe can be awarded that kind of status. This concoction misses on several points.
The first is the Crescent Roll thing. Everyone knows the only worthwhile bread out of a can is buttermilk biscuits.
Second is the use of fresh vegetables when it always canned or frozen for a true "White Trash" creation.
Lastly, who ever heard of using anything but Velveeta cheese to cook with? BTW by Velveeta I actually mean that process cheese that comes in the 5 pound tubes from the USDA food give away program but only a few of us on the Internet actually had to live on that stuff and knows what it is.
Lastly, Lastly, everyone knows you can't make a pizza without tomato sauce straight from the can.
Here is a proper veggie pizza in the true "White Trash" style:

2 cans of buttermilk biscuits(not the flaky kind) spread out and mashed into a pizza shape
1 can tomato sauce spread on
2 cans Veg-All drained (if you want a meat pizza instead lose the Veg-all and substitute 5 cut up Slim-Jims)
4 oz. Velveeta or other process cheese shredded over the top

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